The Battle is Daily

I am in quite the busy season of life here. It has tested my endurance. It has been testing my patience. Questioned what I am willing to sacrifice. But above all these things, it has tested my faith. As Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:". We do not always know what season we are in though, do we?  

My sons are settled into their respective jobs. I play chauffeur nearly daily now. Sometimes one of them will even work a double, having me bring him back and forth between the shifts! In some ways, I feel as tired as I did when they were babies. Especially when you toss in trips to the library, grocery stores, post office, book store, thrift store... whatever other places I need to stop by for any other needs that come up. It is freedom that I haven't had in a while, but some days I wish I could give it all back up again. I've been hoping (and maybe dreading) that the boys would ask to start their driving lessons. But that doesn't seem to rank too high on their to-do list right now... Only one of them finally asked to start learning! 

I've had my so-tired-I-can't-see-straight moments. But then I have boys who are excited that they had a great paycheck. Or someone was thrilled with their work. I have been able to take my daughters out more. Though, that often comes with wanting mom to buy them things...

Making a donated delivery to the local Sheriff's office! 

And how about helping those I couldn't before? Or hanging out with friends? That has been fun too! There are so many pros and cons that come with life in this new phase of mine. 

On the flip side, we had some hard times come along that had me feeling like we were hitting the bottom. Transmission needed to be replaced in my car. The AC in the house had to get fixed. The washing machine pipe wasn't draining properly, so I was having to wash everyone's clothes for them and then clean up water that spilled out.

Then I ran over the tip of someone's blade and barely got parked before the tire went flat! 

Or the latest, something so life-changing that I won't be posting about it just yet. But it definitely shook my world and makes me think twice about what I need to do. 

While I know God has a plan, and that His plans are above any I have for myself, I still found myself asking "WHY". (Jeremiah 29:11) Just why? I pray for the strength to get through another day. I push myself to do my best, regardless of how I feel. And I wonder if I'm failing to hit the mark. Maybe that is why I'm struggling and my family is going through the wringer? 

Then God makes a memory pull up. A time when I was going through the fire. But He stepped in next to me. A time when I felt absolutely hopeless, but He miraculously made everything work out. These memories are what pulls me through. Reminds me that my focus is horizontal. But it needs to shift to the vertical. 

"Will you trust Me?" 

That is the phrase that kept coming to mind. That my husband said he had going through his head as well. Will you trust Me? Lean on Me. Let Me work. Sounds so simple with so few words in these phrases, doesn't it? But then putting it into practice is where we trip up. At least I do. Someone once told me, "You don't have enough faith." Granted, that was their reason for why I was physically falling apart and God wasn't healing me. But why would God say in Matthew 17:20, "And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you." 

Thank God for that! My faith feels so small sometimes. Life feels impossibly difficult. But that is where Luke 17:5-6 is encouraging. "And the apostles said unto the Lord, Increase our faith. And the Lord said, If ye had faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye might say unto this sycamine tree, Be thou plucked up by the root, and be thou planted in the sea; and it should obey you." It can be small, but through Jesus, do big things. This is the reminder I have needed. One day at a time. One task at a time. Just enough faith to get by each one. That is all I need. 

So what am I doing now?

I'm still playing taxi for 2 teenagers. I'm still managing the household needs. I'm sometimes fulfilling the role of caretaker. Baking on the side, for events and custom orders. 

I'm editing for a couple writers. And even gardening! Yes, I have learned how to keep plants alive.

My husband tells me I'm an over-achiever on the daily. Reminds me of a moment in the Pride & Prejudice story of the accomplished woman discussion... 

But above all these little successes, I'm constantly seeking to follow the will of my Lord. What does He want of me? Am I surrendering and walking the path He has laid out for me? Trusting in His plans? Yes, it is a daily, sometimes more often, set of questions I have to ask myself. Because I'm nowhere near perfect. 

Not the best month, but getting better?

Being a Mother is never easy.

Some say its the hardest job in the world. This month has been one crazy, difficult, and even painful time for this Momma. My stress levels have been through the roof. I've battled a pinched nerve in my lower back, daily migraines in the head, and even a delayed menstrual cycle. So what's been going on to make so much trouble? 

Back to school for my two boys has had me pulling out my hair. I'm running around buying supplies, trying to get the deals so I'm not going broke in the process, and getting them vaccinated for their entry. I had to buy them new clothes that fit their schools dress code. But I'm happy to say that they are now ready for Monday morning. Now to make sure we wake up on time.... Oh but then I hear there is a new way of teaching called the Common Core. So off to the internet I go to research this strange new concept. 

"What do the Common Core State Standards mean for students?

Today's students are preparing to enter a world in which colleges and businesses are demanding more than ever before. To ensure all students are prepared for success after graduation, the Common Core establishes a set of clear, consistent guidelines for what students should know and be able to do at each grade level in math and English language arts." 

I beg to differ with that first part. I work in retail and let me tell you... they weren't looking for the cream of the crop when they hired some of these people. They were only looking for people who fit into a physical ability guideline or who had a military background. Most of the people I work with can't think for themselves. Their best quality is how well they can complain and confuse others. Or maybe they were the cream of the crop as far as who applied for the job and those in charge of hiring got desperate. Most jobs these days are looking for bodies and not the brains. Sure, the "requirements" state that a position needs someone able to rise above all others. But once you charm your way through the interview, who cares right? Thankfully, Texas didn't adopt this type of teaching. I urge parents to check into the Common Core and what this means for your children's learning. 

Then there are birthdays. Sadly, I didn't get a card to my dad on time this year. This was followed by daughter turning 3 years old. Where did those three years go? It seems like yesterday I was racing to the hospital, praying that we didn't get pulled over or that I didn't deliver her in my father-in-law's van. Now she tells me she's a big girl who doesn't need bumper pads around her bed, picks out her clothing, and can tell you all about the various princesses. Her mind blows me away at times. I've found out recently that this little miss has learned to count by herself. From listening to her brothers and I recite the numbers, she has put them to memory. There goes my baby... Then there is another birthday at the end of this month that I have been planning a get together for. Who knew it was so difficult to get a group of adults to converge at a centralized location, have dessert, and otherwise be entertained? 

These have been the main events of the month that have kept my mind on a constant reel. Then I have a full time job that was cut to part time, dealing with an ex-husband, researching a move, daily activities of cleaning, feeding and caring for three highly active children, and trying frantically to get a minimum of 3 hours of sleep everyday.  I have some reviews to write for you all as well. Food, office supplies, labels, and maybe even a movie one coming your way. Just not today... Oh yes, lets not forget that I'm on the job search as well. Applying for and praying I get a new job that pays equal to what I have now but hours conducive with my kids being in school. Which reminds me.. I have to go shopping for more "professional" styles. I don't think my Nerd shirts and Zelda dress qualify for interview outfits. 

So how am I dealing with all this and keeping my sanity? I'm taking a little time for myself. I might sacrifice an hour of sleep, but I'll stay awake watching an anime series one episode at a time. I have 3 books from one series that I will also start taking the time to read 30 minutes per sitting. And today? My ex will take the kids to a birthday party while I will slip away to spend time with intelligent adults before having to come home to sleep for work at 4 AM. It doesn't get easier unless we step up our game and make it so. That's my goal.