Trying to Add Color to the Desert

It really is a desert here. Most people would balk at living in it. Once upon a time, I would have too. But it has grown on me. There are little things that you find to love. A game store. A park. A book store. Maybe a thrift store or two. The people you meet and interact with. It is a lot of sunshine, and maybe not enough rainbows, but it is home. And that means that I am setting down the details that I enjoy. Learning what works and what doesn't. 

So... I'm adding color! Our front yard isn't so much a yard. It is a lot of rocks and weeds. I see neighbors adding greenery. One is growing tomatoes! In her front yard! And I thought... I want to do some of this.  My back yard shows a lot of greenery, but my deliberate planting has failed in a lot of ways. So I told my husband I was ripping up the front zone. That I wanted to move things and plant things. My daughter and I did it in spurts because of the heat. 

Day one - gardenia bush! I LOVE the smell of gardenias. They are small white flowers with a huge scent. Pollinators love it too. My husband bought me two. I got one in the ground and had to stop. The heat and high UV is killing me here. 

Day two - mandevilla and another gardenia bush! We got the rest of the zone cleared of the weeds and put in those two bushes. Then came the top soil and watering. While we were at it, we even moved my peppers up front. Some of them. I'm desperate to keep these alive. They were given to me with so many tiny leaves, and then the heat hit us hard and they started to shrivel. Even if they are meant for full sun, apparently that doesn't count in this town. Shade is key! So we moved them into the shade out back and they lasted.

But they haven't grown since and haven't all gotten their leaves back. Not sure if these will survive, but maybe after moving up front and in the ground we will have a better shot keeping them alive. 

Day three -  This day had to be postponed. I sprained my wrist while working Day 2. Had to put on a brace as it swelled and hurt to bend it. 

Fast forward a few weeks... I have added everything I originally planned on putting in there. I have learned that shade is for all plants. Including those that normally love sun. Why? Because we live in the desert and it is too much sun! 

I planted a pot of lettuce too, from seeds and now have seedlings starting. Here is to hoping that we can grow our own and be having salads soon. And to adding a little more greenery to our desert home! 

No Zipper? I Can Fix That!

My mother-in-law sent my husband and I these hoodies. They are sooooo soft! Perfect for chilly days... only problem was that they didn't have zippers. Neither of us like hoodies that have to be pulled over. But I had an idea. And while not the most accomplished seamstress, I'm no slouch either. Took me a while, but I found some zippers and got to work! 

Our local Hobby Lobby had zippers, but not the 26 inch I was hoping for. Since only even numbers are what they had, we had to go with a 24 and it was... a little short. But not too bad, I think. I figured out exactly where I wanted the zipper to go and cut from bottom to top. 

Even through the pocket in the middle. 

I pinned the zipper sides to each side and sewed them up. The bottom edge was longer and the top gave me trouble on the white one since it crossed a bit, but overall, I was pleased with the result. 

Sadly, it turned out that my husband didn't fit his. Too much muscle in his chest!

But that just meant that my daughter inherited a new hoodie. Win-win! 

Little things like this give me a sense of accomplishment. A sense of doing something worthwhile. It might not be perfect, but I can still be proud of what I managed to do on my own. And I also learned some things about sewing on zippers... 

Pride as a Mom

We had the vendors day! It was a long day. We were not able to stay the last two hours. Even in the shade, both girls were getting too much heat. But for all the hours we did spend there, we had fun! And we did make enough money to make it worth the spot fee. Already planning ahead to the fall one. 

Together, we navigated learning what to do and what not to do. For instance, keep the table in the shade. Things in the sun got very hot! Made things less appealing to customers. 

Another lesson? Make signs to advertise what some products are. My youngest made melted bead art. Meant to be sun catchers. No one knew what to make of those. One person thought they were coasters. They didn't sell very well. We are looking at ways to make them more appealing to customers next time. 

My older daughter was a little down because she wasn't the only crochet vendor. However, we quickly saw that her items were the kawaii versions. The other vendor specialized in characters. Especially the horror variety. So her little creatures were ooohed and awed over all day. Did not sell as many as she hoped, but enough that she was able to buy more materials to make others. 

This event made me proud as their mother. I got to see their joy when making a sale. I got to talk them through the disappoint when they didn't sell. I had the chance to walk through the recap moments and discuss what to do differently. And just be there for them through the whole thing. This was what meant the most to me! 

Then Comes a Pink Slip

My last post of life was pretty heavy. So much has been going on in my world. So much has been weighing me down. And after that last post, it just piled on more. On the lighter side, I found out my youngest will most likely be getting glasses next time she is tested. Poor girl. I had hoped she would never need to. In the middle weight bracket, I have come to believe that my older daughter has scoliosis. Unfortunately, we haven't had medical insurance in at least a year, no maybe two, so we haven't been able to know for sure. However, the pain and lopsidedness she has been experiencing makes me believe this is it. I feel guilt. After all, she has my genes. And I can't do anything about it. I feel frustration. As my husband reminds me, even if we had insurance and knew for sure that is what she has, what could we do about it? I never want her to have the surgeries I had. Look at the mess I'm in...

1 Peter 1:6-7 is a hard reminder. Trials will come, many trials! But they are meant to try your faith. To push you to lean of God and His faithfulness through it all. 

 

But then there is the heavy weight. The champion of stress-inducing nightmares... my husband lost his job. I was dreading this possibility. Hoping it wouldn't come. But here we are. The company he was working for, pretty much dissolved in a matter of weeks. He was only given one weeks notice. The stress from that was enough to manifest in physical ways. But God has been gracious. He gave us a slight reprieve. My husband is temporarily working as a contractor for the company that took over the sites. While we were still waiting for that first paycheck to come in, we had been blessed to have been granted a severance package from the previous employer. Don't get me wrong, I'm still stressed, but not as badly as I was before. After all, this is still temporary. There is the possibility that this company might hire him on as a regular employee once the contract ends. But from the way the owner talks, he wants to do so at a downgraded pay and position. It really grinds my gears when I hear that. But such is the world of the rich who dabble with crypto currencies. When their digital money drops to a certain level, they freak out. Who would have guessed that Bitcoin would drop so drastically after booming so hard? But greed takes over every time. 

Romans 12:12 reminds me to keep praying and to be patient in trouble. 

We are changing how we do everyday life here. I have tightened the proverbial coin purse sash. Meals might be a little plainer and repeat a little more often, but everyone still gets fed. I'm thankful that changes have happened as they did. Blessed, even.  The boys have their jobs now. If there is something they want, that we can't get, they get it for themselves. The severance package has held us up for the past couple of weeks and will do so another couple weeks. I don't have to worry about the bills. 

James 1:2-4 tells us to remember that when trials come (not IF, but WHEN), that it will build in us an endurance.  

What I do worry over, is how much stress my husband is under. And the physical toll it has taken. I pray that God will show him to his next job, and soon. I pray that His will be done, and that I trust Him to know best. Even when I can't see it. This has been the song speaking volumes in my life right now. 

 I don't claim to be 100% carefree in the knowledge that God is in control of every aspect of my life. However, when the anxiety starts building, I know where to turn. Every time. This, too, shall pass. 

The Battle is Daily

I am in quite the busy season of life here. It has tested my endurance. It has been testing my patience. Questioned what I am willing to sacrifice. But above all these things, it has tested my faith. As Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:". We do not always know what season we are in though, do we?  

My sons are settled into their respective jobs. I play chauffeur nearly daily now. Sometimes one of them will even work a double, having me bring him back and forth between the shifts! In some ways, I feel as tired as I did when they were babies. Especially when you toss in trips to the library, grocery stores, post office, book store, thrift store... whatever other places I need to stop by for any other needs that come up. It is freedom that I haven't had in a while, but some days I wish I could give it all back up again. I've been hoping (and maybe dreading) that the boys would ask to start their driving lessons. But that doesn't seem to rank too high on their to-do list right now... Only one of them finally asked to start learning! 

I've had my so-tired-I-can't-see-straight moments. But then I have boys who are excited that they had a great paycheck. Or someone was thrilled with their work. I have been able to take my daughters out more. Though, that often comes with wanting mom to buy them things...

Making a donated delivery to the local Sheriff's office! 

And how about helping those I couldn't before? Or hanging out with friends? That has been fun too! There are so many pros and cons that come with life in this new phase of mine. 

On the flip side, we had some hard times come along that had me feeling like we were hitting the bottom. Transmission needed to be replaced in my car. The AC in the house had to get fixed. The washing machine pipe wasn't draining properly, so I was having to wash everyone's clothes for them and then clean up water that spilled out.

Then I ran over the tip of someone's blade and barely got parked before the tire went flat! 

Or the latest, something so life-changing that I won't be posting about it just yet. But it definitely shook my world and makes me think twice about what I need to do. 

While I know God has a plan, and that His plans are above any I have for myself, I still found myself asking "WHY". (Jeremiah 29:11) Just why? I pray for the strength to get through another day. I push myself to do my best, regardless of how I feel. And I wonder if I'm failing to hit the mark. Maybe that is why I'm struggling and my family is going through the wringer? 

Then God makes a memory pull up. A time when I was going through the fire. But He stepped in next to me. A time when I felt absolutely hopeless, but He miraculously made everything work out. These memories are what pulls me through. Reminds me that my focus is horizontal. But it needs to shift to the vertical. 

"Will you trust Me?" 

That is the phrase that kept coming to mind. That my husband said he had going through his head as well. Will you trust Me? Lean on Me. Let Me work. Sounds so simple with so few words in these phrases, doesn't it? But then putting it into practice is where we trip up. At least I do. Someone once told me, "You don't have enough faith." Granted, that was their reason for why I was physically falling apart and God wasn't healing me. But why would God say in Matthew 17:20, "And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you." 

Thank God for that! My faith feels so small sometimes. Life feels impossibly difficult. But that is where Luke 17:5-6 is encouraging. "And the apostles said unto the Lord, Increase our faith. And the Lord said, If ye had faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye might say unto this sycamine tree, Be thou plucked up by the root, and be thou planted in the sea; and it should obey you." It can be small, but through Jesus, do big things. This is the reminder I have needed. One day at a time. One task at a time. Just enough faith to get by each one. That is all I need. 

So what am I doing now?

I'm still playing taxi for 2 teenagers. I'm still managing the household needs. I'm sometimes fulfilling the role of caretaker. Baking on the side, for events and custom orders. 

I'm editing for a couple writers. And even gardening! Yes, I have learned how to keep plants alive.

My husband tells me I'm an over-achiever on the daily. Reminds me of a moment in the Pride & Prejudice story of the accomplished woman discussion... 

But above all these little successes, I'm constantly seeking to follow the will of my Lord. What does He want of me? Am I surrendering and walking the path He has laid out for me? Trusting in His plans? Yes, it is a daily, sometimes more often, set of questions I have to ask myself. Because I'm nowhere near perfect. 

Changing Life Seasons - Or a New Chapter in My Life's Story

Whichever analogy you choose to go with, my life is changing. The daily grind I've been in for years is shifting into a new pattern. Such a crazy thought. But why, do you ask, is this happening to me? Well... My two older children have graduated high school already. Early, I know. But we homeschool! That is one of the beautiful aspects of homeschool life. We move at our own pace. 

So why do I feel so frazzled? 

Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled. It is a dream come true to have my children successfully complete school. My second child was supposed to graduate a week after his brother, but once he saw it happen for the older boy... well, he buckled down and worked ahead. But with this comes a host of other things. Now that they have passed their exams - we need to get that second vehicle so they can start the job hunt. Then comes all the driving I will have to do. To and from jobs for them. The girls will want mom to start taking them to other parks. Running errands won't be restricted to weekends or after the husband gets home from work anymore. That partly scares me. The other part thrills me. Smells like freedom in its own way! 

But then there were good things too. My husband recently said something, as I was stressing over what to do to celebrate their graduations. After all, we don't have prom. We don't have a stage to walk across as they are handed that rolled diploma. No caps and gowns. (Or do we...) We aren't a part of a group to benefit in those ways. So I had to come up with our own things to show them how proud I am, but also that they should take pride in this. But I'm getting away with myself here. My husband made a comment that caused my mind to completely lose focus on the kids' celebration. He said, "This party should be for you. After all, it is your excellence in teaching that has brought them to this moment." Talk about something I didn't have anywhere on my radar! But it made me proud for a single moment. I actually have achieved something notable in this life. Getting my boys, 17 and 16 years old, graduated through their basic education. Sounds so simple when I write it here, but this has been a wild ride for how many years now?? Wow... Looking back over the years has reminded me just how far we have come. And I can 100% say that it is only by God's grace that I have gotten here. If I had been left to my own devices... well, this would be a different picture altogether. Philippians 4:13 is my go-to. "I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me." Only in Him can I keep pressing forward. 

So where am I now? 

I told myself I would put other things on hold. I have a million things on my to-do list. But for now, I am focusing my efforts in getting things ready to celebrate the graduating this weekend. It hasn't gone as I hoped so far. But I won't be discouraged. I will make this a time they can remember and enjoy. A milestone in life's path, that has been surpassed. 

For other homeschool parents who are worried, just remember that the daily grind will be worth it. Once they graduate. One day they will move forward as competent adults. And that time comes before you realize it.  

One Bad Apple...

As a Christian, I don't believe in karma. To some degree, the concept of 'what goes around, comes around' does exist for me. But to believe that you are repaid for the good or evil you do on a regular basis? Not so much. 

But let's say it did exist. How evil do I have to be to see my Little Free Library repeatedly vandalized? Broken door. Broken latch. Books and toys tossed around. I was encouraged to fix it. Clean it up. Refill it. But then this... two days in a row every book was removed. I found some of them. Know where? Come on, guess! My neighbors yards. Thrown in the yards like any other piece of trash. Want to talk about a rage-quit moment... Seeing red! Heck, I even cried in front of my kids. This was I-am-having-a-meltdown moment for me. My kids know that I don't cry. I see it as an upset in my hormonal balance of calm. Unless someone I truly loved died.  

Sadly, I thought this was the last time. We were already planning to pull it down to replace the box part when we had the money for new materials. The last repair wasn't strong enough to withstand the beating it takes from kids who yank and hang on it. But this time... this time my husband and kids all seemed to think I gave it a good enough run. And that it was time to move on. And I was inclined to agree. Reading is a passion for me. I love reading books. I love collecting books. And I have tried to instill that in my children. One of them is truly an avid reader like me. So I count that as a win. But outside, I see kids who think of books as junk. I see children who were not raised to show appreciation, but instead are given over to destructive actions. It hurts. And don't get me wrong, not everyone who checked it out were bad people. There was a grandma walking with the kids every so often. A dad who took his kids bike riding and would stop by. Neighbors who added books sometimes. 

But as the saying goes, 'One bad apple spoils the bunch'. In this case, spoils the good for others. I can't keep paying money to fix this box. Or keep having my heartbreak moments when they trash the books or the box. How about having to clean up the mess? I don't want to keep getting upset that someone didn't raise their kids to do the right thing. It lasted almost a year and a half. Not too shabby, right? But as I announced it to the community I'm a part of and was thinking that I would just donate books we don't want anymore to the local library, or to the bookstore that serves the library, I was encouraged by that community of mine. One of them gave me a camera system and made a sign to put in, announcing to anyone who opens the library that they are being recorded. The idea is, maybe that will deter the ne'er-do-wells to steer clear of mischief. The camera is old tech, so we thought we would see if we could get it running. If not, we planned to install it as if it works to still try to scare anyone out of bad ideas. 

As I was waiting for my husband to put the camera into use, someone came by and dropped off a bunch of books! I had been keeping it empty until the camera went in. I figured I would just let those be there. Not add anything else. Then I caught them red-handed. 2 young boys about 12-13 years old. Grabbing all the books (see above picture) and anything else that was in it. This time I took off, barefoot and hot blooded. I made them return all the books, save one each, into the box and lectured them about trashing my little library. I could only hope they would take it to heart since I mentioned the coming camera... Did it work? Nope. Most days, I was either outside or watching when they came by. Today... I wasn't. And what did I find when I went to the mailbox? 3 books had been shredded and thrown around my neighbors' yards and in the street! I cleaned up the mess. Didn't cry this time. Just felt anger. I stripped everything out of the box. Threw everything on the table and walked away. Why bother with a camera? Sure, I can report them. I can shame them online. But what good will that do in the long run? I still have to clean up the messes they make. 

This truly will be the last time. Time for the library to be permanently closed. A heart-wrenching moment for me. But a necessary one if this kind of behavior can't be stopped. People can only push my buttons for so long before I walk away. Dream or no dream, I have limitations. 

If you are a parent, do everyone else a favor - raise them to have respect. To live honorably. And to be someone the rest of the community can see as at least decent. If you don't have kids but think this kind of teaching is too hard - don't have kids. 

On the Road Again!

With my youngest turning nine years old, came the request to go to a Build-a-Bear store. A friend had recently given her a couple stuffed animals that were marked with their BaB. So questions came. And the showing of online pictures. That was when she knew what she wanted for her birthday. But here is the catch - there aren't any close by. The closest one is just a kiosk in the mall in a city a couple hours away. But my thinking is, if this is your first time, you need to go to an actual store. Get the whole experience. So that is what my husband and I decided to do. We decided to hit the road and go to the nearest actual store. Almost four hours drive away from us. We wanted to give her something to truly remember. 

Amarillo - Here we come!

We got a room at Home2 Suites in Amarillo. Talk about amazing service! We were checked in quickly, the room was spacious, and we even loved the indoor pool. They were shorter on options for the breakfast, but that was my kids only complaint. 

There were so many places to store things so we were not tripping over things. There was also a stocked kitchen - dishes, silverware, a cooking container, soap and new sponge to clean them up when done.

You can even request a cook top and pot. We brought our own bedding for the germophobes to make it more comfortable. 

If you need a stay for this many people that might be for more than one night, this is the place!

Build-A-Bear for the win!

My daughter loved going to BaB! The lady that was handling her experience did a fantastic job. She talked to my daughter like she was the only person there, making her feel super special. She gave tips on other places we should go to around town to make our stay better. And really just gave the stuffing process more pizazz than I expected. I was thrilled. My husband was so happy - saying that this was the best birthday for her. And she left with a stuff toy that is just going to be so well loved. I highly recommend their store if you are in the area!

There were other stores...

We were there for 2 nights, which is quite the rarity. My husband hates hotels and going on trips has to be planned so far in advanced or has to be saved for... It can just be too much of a hassle to him to bother with. So, had she not asked, this would never have been a thing. But since it was, he graced me with a mini vacation. I can't tell you how excited I had been to plan this out and how hard I worked to save up! And it was well worth it. I had made a list of places to hit up before hand. Some of them were such a hit - we will gladly go back if we are in Amarillo again!  

Back & Forth thrift store was a cute place to visit. And the owner was so friendly! We found this doll there that my youngest fell in love with. She is a Snapstar doll. My daughter is already looking to get more wigs and clothes for her. 

Game Quest was the biggest hit for every single one of us. They had games, they had trading cards, there were movies (I got an anime) and nostalgia for nerds in all kinds of other things! I even found this Barbie that is special in the face, but wearing a Spice Girls doll dress.

A friend clued me in that she is Posh Spice (aka Victoria Beckham). I love how her face looks. Though the nose has been a little smushed. 

My husband was able to get a cable for one of his original consoles. The boys both found cards for their trading games they love. My oldest daughter got a book from her favorite series. The youngest found toys from her favorite shows and movies.

We actually went twice before leaving. And it is on the list to return to the next time we head that way.

This one is along the Route 66 too, so there are plenty of other places you might enjoy visiting. Especially a lot of vintage and antique shops. 

Another game store we visited was Recycled Entertainment. This one is actually in the same strip mall as Back & Forth. You will know it by the throne out front, made of various old consoles. My husband found a game he loved for the Nintendo. 

We visited the Five Below while there. They had so many fun finds! And at the time, they were the only store open on Saturday morning from our list. I gotta say, I was wishing to find some of these at our local store later. For now, I grabbed the Teeny Tinies Gamer Essentials pack. That one was $5. 

We also stopped by one of the Goodwills, up there. I must admit, I was disappointed with their prices. Quite a bit higher than what we normally see in our town. But they did have books and movies that we have been looking for... I also grabbed this cute ornament that is a picture frame. I haven't decided if I will use it in a doll room or if I will put it on the Christmas tree. 

What would be your favorite part of this trip? What kind of places do you like to visit when you travel? Let me know! We are already thinking about the next trip we want to make. 

Will I Still Be Thankful?

Thanksgiving Day in the United States is the one day a year when we are supposed to remember all the things we are thankful for. If you aren't a Christian, it is simply a tradition. Hopefully you get the day off. You eat a lot of good foods. Take a nap when the tryptophan kicks in. Maybe watch the parade and football games. Have a relaxing day. 

But if you are a Christian, you reach deeper than all that. You remember all those things that God has blessed you with in this year. Bills were paid. Needs are covered. Kids are healthy. Husband is happy and well. Didn't burn the meal. All this falls second to the thankfulness we feel that we are saved, however. We have an eternal future. 

I was on cloud nine Thanksgiving morning. Things hadn't been going the best leading up to Thanksgiving, but the day itself was working out well enough. The meal was amazing. The migraine stayed in the background. We even ran food to an elderly friend, and let another friends dogs out while they are on a mission trip. Since I was getting tired, I thought a nap was in order. My alarm went off, and I didn't want to get up. But that was okay. I have kids. And one of them came to wake us up. The sink was spraying water again. Welp... Guess it thought our leaking and broke down washing machine was not enough of a headache for me. 

Like one of my sons said, "At least it waited until we had finished washing all the dishes." Yes, at least there was that. My head was spinning. Stay thankful through all this trouble. It isn't always easy. My husband reminds me often that we are to write things in pencil. Be flexible to what God has coming our way.  

1 Thessalonians 5:18 has been a good reminder. "In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." God uses these trials to build up our dependence on Him. To seek His guidance and see what He is trying to teach us. But if you back up 2 verses, you see even more that needs to be kept with verse 18. We are to "Rejoice evermore" and "Pray without ceasing". All the while knowing that we also need to give thanks through it all. Not that we should have the attitude of "Thank you, God that everything is falling apart and I feel like a boat tossed in the wave right now! Hallelujah that my life is upside down!" That isn't what I'm saying. More like this attitude... "Thank you, Lord for the patience and peace that only you can give me right now. I don't know what Your plan is, but I know You have one. And things will work out. What do You want me to learn in this hard time?" See the difference? Saying it though, and actually doing it... yeah, two different things. 

In the end, we got one of the problems fixed. It required buying a new faucet for the kitchen sink, but God provided. My washing machine has sent me back to the pioneer days for some of our laundry, but I know it will all be fixed one day and I will rely on God to grant me the patience and strength until then. I think that is what this is about for now. How long will I continue to be thankful? And will I patiently wait?  

Getting Organized in Little Ways

I have been dealing with a lot of pain lately. Some days I am not walking too well. But despite that, I have tried to push myself. One project at a time. No matter how little that project might be. I pulled out the crafting things that were "one day" things and started to put them together. More mindful of the things having a place and everything in its place, sort of mentality. It gets messy in the process, but the end results are fantastic. 

I created a new shelf for the home goods that go in the store I built. Nothing too crazy, just from things that I had. Like cardboard and shelf tops from the Mini Brands Books sets. But it is a beautiful addition! And it makes me feel accomplished. You can get more insight on this from the video I made HERE.

I added a statuette that a friend brought back from her travels to the Middle East. It was an exotic find! I love how cute it looks. Makes my doll look like a traveled lady, I think. 

I unpacked and organized the dolls that were stuck in boxes. Gave them a chance to show off! Starting to look like a full house in here... 

My older daughter had fun helping me set up the shelves. We tried to sort everyone by the type that they were. These little things help me feel like I'm still getting somewhere with everything that seems on hold. I don't feel useless as much, though I still have those moments.